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[유학일기] 유학생의 애환이 담긴 일기 외에 사는 이야기 혹은 직접 쓴 시와 소설을 게재하는 곳입니다.

시소설 손님

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작성자 fatamorgana 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물  (217.♡.148.103) 댓글 8건 조회 4,017회 작성일 10-09-17 09:26

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손님


컴컴한 가을 저녁
낯빛 창백한
그 손님이 찾아와
내 등을 지그시 두드렸을 때
그만 심장이 멎는 줄 알았습니다

수 십년 된 기억이
잿빛 옷을 입고 내게 이렇게
찾아올 줄은 꿈에도 몰랐습니다

알고 보니 그 손님
거울에 비친 나의 모습
나의 기억입니다
그가 낯선 손님이 되어
나를 찾아 왔을 때
어쩔 줄 몰라 혼돈스러워 하는 것은
어찌보면 당연한 일인지 모릅니다

그 손님과 얼굴을 맞대고
얘기하는 것이 이토록 무서운데도
이 손님 좀처럼 집에 갈 생각을 않습니다

손님은 손님으로 기억은 기억으로
남아야 하고 시간이 되면 손님은 집에
돌아가고 기억은 잊혀져야 하는데
손님이 내가 되고 기억이 현실이 되는 것이
몹시도 부자연스러운 까닭입니다

진단서 끝머리에는 작은 글씨로
amnestic disorder 라고 씌어져 있습니다

17.09.2010 fatamorgana

추천3

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Bora님의 댓글

Bora 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 아이피 (85.♡.154.204) 작성일

<P>몸 속 어딘가에 작은 낚시바늘같은 갈고리가 걸려있다. 언젠가 어느 입질에 걸려 몸 속에 앉혀버린 그것을 나는 모르고, 유연히 공간과 사람 속으로 유영하다 누군가 거기 걸려있는 보이지 않는 줄을 당기면 나는 그제야 가슴이 콕콕 저려와 무력히 안으로 피 흘리며 다만 아파한다. </P>
<P>그것은 아주 작은 바늘들, 그것은 작고 경미함, 그러나 어쩐지 가슴 언저리 수십 수만개가 포진돼 어딘가로부터의 당김에 전면으로 반응하는 속수무책. </P>
<P>누구나 마음에 하나쯤의 커다란 대못과 수십 수만개쯤의 바늘들을 품고 사는 법.이라고 말이 쉽구나. 이렇게 부당한 법을 지킬 도리는 없는 것인데 삶이 야속하여 내 몸의 금속을 빼낼 도리 또한 없다는 걸 살아오며 나는 배웠다.가슴을 가르고 켜켜히 퇴적된 한층 한층의 시간을 훑어내기에는 잘려진 나의 심장이 먼저 멎을 것이니 작은 통증쯤은 심박에 묻고 사는 게,사는 게 다 그렇고 그런 것이라고.</P>
<P>그래, 한번 박힌 바늘을 긍정한다. 내 심박과 더불어&nbsp;안고 가자. 다만 거기 달린 보이지 않는 줄은 대체 어느 방향에서 내게로 향해 있나. 누가 그 줄의 끝을 쥐고 이 전면적인 통증을 내게 안겨주나. 그것은 나의 모세혈관인가. 내가 살아있음이 스스로를 압박하고 당기는가. 그것은 과거인가.소급될 수 없는 속수무책으로 보이지 않는 저기 저 유령인가.<BR></P>
<P>2006/01/07<BR></P>

  • 추천 1

fatamorgana님의 댓글

fatamorgana 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 아이피 (80.♡.162.213) 작성일

<P>안녕하세요 Bora 님.<BR>그런데&nbsp;제가 다녀온 것을 휴가라고 부를 수 있는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 달콤한 휴식을 꿈꾸며 수천 킬로미터를 날아갔던 것은 맞는데, 그 곳에서 나를 기다리고 있었던 것은&nbsp;달콤한 휴식이 아닌, 제가&nbsp;져야 할&nbsp;어떤 무거움이었습니다. 그 무거움을 고스란히 마음에 담고 다시 수천 킬로미터를 날아 제자리로 돌아왔습니다. 이 글을 저 나름대로는&nbsp;인증샷으로 여기고 있기는 합니다만, 설명을 하자면, 워낙 개인적인 얘기가 되고 말겠네요.</P>

Bora님의 댓글

Bora 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 아이피 (78.♡.79.47) 작성일

아. 저 시가 휴가&nbsp;인증샷이었군요.<BR>저는 엊그제인가 읽고서 멍하니 창 밖 한번 보다가, 낮에 일하는 중에 문득 문득 생각이 나다가, 오늘&nbsp;빛바랜 일기장을 뒤적뒤적 해 봤었어요..<BR>&nbsp;<BR>그 곳에서 신기루님을 기다리고 있었던 것이 달콤한 휴식이 아니라&nbsp;짊어져야 할 어떤 무거움이었다니..... <BR><BR>등산!! 다녀 오신 걸로 알고 있을께요! <IMG border=0 src="http://www.berlinreport.com/geditor/emoticon/em77.gif">

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Jivan 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 아이피 (93.♡.20.87) 작성일

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<p style="font-family: Gulim;" class="MsoNormal">안녕하세요, fatamorgana<span lang="KO">님</span>.<br>
<span lang="KO">글을 읽으며 가슴이 뜨끔</span>, <span lang="KO">등골이 서늘해졌습니다</span>.<span lang="KO"> 지금은 여러 구실로 마주 하지 않으려 하지만 아마 언젠가 저도 필히 대면할 수도 있는 모습일 거 같아 그런가 봅니다</span>.
<span style="">&nbsp;</span><span lang="KO">그래도 때가 되면 <span style="">&nbsp;</span>그 손님과 어떻게 화해가 이루어 지고 또 포용할 수 있을 거란 자기 최면을 지금부터
걸어 볼까 합니다</span>.</p>

fatamorgana님의 댓글

fatamorgana 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 아이피 (80.♡.150.163) 작성일

안녕하세요 Jivan 님.<BR>안그래도 추워진&nbsp;날씨에 등골이 서늘해 지셨다니, 죄송합니다.<BR>그 기억상실적 장애라는 것.&nbsp;꼭 개인에게만 국한되지 않고, 많은 사람들이 역사에 걸쳐&nbsp;집단적 만성적으로 앓고 있는 병이라는 생각도 듭니다. 그 손님과 적당한 거리를 두고 마주 앉아 진심으로 대화하는 것은 많은 이들이 꺼리는 어려운 일이기도 합니다.<BR><BR>Auf deutsch Cafe 는 사라졌더군요. 조금 아쉬움이 남긴 하지만, 사라진 것을 사라진 것으로&nbsp; 기리는 것도 나쁘지는 않을 것 같습니다.

Jivan님의 댓글

Jivan 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 아이피 (93.♡.44.3) 작성일

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<style>
 /* Style Definitions */
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mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
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mso-para-margin-bottom:auto;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
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font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
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<![endif]-->

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;" lang="KO"></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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  <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
  <w:TrackMoves/>
  <w:TrackFormatting/>
  <w:HyphenationZone>21</w:HyphenationZone>
  <w:PunctuationKerning/>
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  <w:BreakWrappedTables/>
  <w:SnapToGridInCell/>
  <w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
  <w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
  <w:DontGrowAutofit/>
  <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
  <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
  <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
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  <w:Word11KerningPairs/>
  <w:CachedColBalance/>
  <w:UseFELayout/>
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  <m:mathPr>
  <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
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  <m:dispDef/>
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  DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
  LatentStyleCount="267">
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<style>
 /* Style Definitions */
 table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Normale Tabelle";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:auto;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;" lang="KO">섭섭하게 </span><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;">café auf deutsch<span lang="KO">는 사라졌지요</span>.
<span lang="KO">적극적이지 않았던 저는 섭섭하다고 말할 처지도 안 됩니다만</span>.</span></p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;" lang="KO">fatamorgana<span lang="KO">님</span>, <span lang="KO">죄송하시다니요</span>. <span lang="KO">신선한 경각이 때때로 필요하다고 생각합니다</span>. <span lang="KO">그렇지 않으면 정신과 마음이 편안함에 그냥 안주</span>-<span lang="KO">술상에 오르는 거 아님</span>-<span lang="KO">하려 들기에</span>. <span lang="KO">또 느낌만 있고 어떻게 표현할 지 막막한 것들을 이렇게 후련하게 글에 담아 주셔서
감사드립니다</span>.<br>
<span lang="KO">그런데 이따금 원인 모를 아픔이 느껴지는 걸 보면 완전한 기억상실은 아닌가 봅니다</span>. 아니면 진단서에 잘못 기재된 건지도</span><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;">…</span></p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;" lang="KO">좋은 한 주가 되길 바랍니다</span><span style="font-family: &quot;Gulim&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;">.</span></p>

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52 시소설 fatamorgana 쪽지보내기 메일보내기 자기소개 아이디로 검색 전체게시물 5204 04-25
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